Thinking about impact

Things are going to be a bit different with today's post.

Today's 1.1 (the lead or most important story of the day) was a good story idea about a new study abroad program.

However, the lead in this is story is pretty weak. Take a look at this:

The College of International Studies is offering students a new chance to journey to the Middle East.

Doesn't that just scream, "READ ME!?" Not really. 

There is no impact here. Yes, there is news. A college is offering something new. But what is it? The lead of a story is the MOST important sentence in the story. It should encapsulate everything about the story that is valuable to the reader, and almost ALWAYS, impact is the most important. How does this affect our readers?

Sometimes that means considering what parts of the story have more value.

If you take a deeper look into the story, you will notice that there is some tidbits buried deep down about an application process.

Course participation is limited to 20 students, and all students who apply will be charged a $35 non-refundable application fee that does not guarantee a spot in the program, according to the College of International Studies website.

Now we are cooking. This sentence, combined with what we know about the fact that the program is new, is what we need to make a pretty good lead. Let's cut these sentences up and put something special together.

 

Here is the new lead:

Students are an application and a non-refundable $35 fee away from being considered for a new study abroad program in Turkey and Israel.

Boom. Nothing fancy, but this lead has a bit more impact than the first story. This sentence is telling students that if they fill out an application and pay a non-refundable fee they could visit Turkey and Israel (Middle East is a bit vague, I say if you know where they are going and it fits, use it). It also is getting the news to them, that this program is new. Nobody cares at the beginning who created the program, you can answer that later. What matters most is how this program affects students. It means they have to fill out paperwork (fun!), pay money and THEN they will be CONSIDERED for the trip.

Now, this lead means you will have to restructure the entire story. Information about the application deadline plus the other fees necessary if selected will have to be moved up. Then you can start breaking down what the trip is and what exactly students will do. Hell, we could have created an infobox itinerary.

IMPACT IS KEY

Of course, there are plenty of other stories that will have more impact than this one, and we need to make sure we are looking out for them. Whenever you are writing your lead remember, how does this story affect someone? How does this story impact the university, a student, a faculty member, a staff member or the grass? 

If you keep that in mind, you will already be on your way to writing better, more informative leads.